Another day, Another drama.......

Toxic friendships are going to be a common theme on this blog because sadly my life is full of them. Fortunately, I have just as many meaningful and sweet relationships with thinking people which is why I have managed to deal with all of the c*%p without being suicidal till now.


My borderline friend whom I was never sure what side of the fence she sat on has let me know now. Since getting engaged and becoming a bridezilla-in-wating, it's been classic narcissistic behaviour from her. Despite planning her wedding to be a logistical nightmare (it's in two different towns on the same day, like a Lagos wedding and an Ijebu reception type situation), I have tried to be supportive but I knew I was in trouble when I was chosen to lead the hen night preparations alongside another friend of hers.

What do you do when you invite 30pple and only 6 say yes? Yes, this was the nightmare I faced and all of my glam plans came to nothing because i needed more people to make certain things viable. Such was the stress that said co-planner just stopped speaking to me altogether. I could never get her on the phone and one night she actually texted me to say "not tonight I just want to relax!!"

I agonised and agonised about how to tell someone that 24 of your friends apparently don't give a toss and to be honest I buried my head in the sand and avoided my friend for a while (she went on holiday shortly after delivering the instructions but I had been running away from her since). Little did I know that Madam Relaxation would seize the opportunity to "report" my lack of effort and blame the failure of all the planning on my lack of pro-activeness and unwillingness to go the extra mile!

 Ehn? I was stunned!! This is an issue that had kept me up at night, that saw me humbling myself to call someone I had cut out of my life for advice, saw me doing evite.com at work and here I was being told my services were no longer needed (yes o she fired me from the hen night planning committee)!! Even more galling was the fact that she said that Madam Relaxation would see to all the arrangements. This set up is Me and Bridezilla = 6yrs+ of friendship, Bridezilla and Madam Relaxation =< 18 months of friendship.

I was stunned but more than that I wondered how I had managed to enter toxic relationship number 4, yes number 4. The kind where you keep hoping tomorrow is when they start to be nice to me, tomorrow is when they realise that I am the best friend ever, that  I am the one who would do anything for them, spend  my money, exhaust myself, lose weight thinking about their problems, only to be cruelly reminded that they don't care even if I were to die in their place.

Why? because those foolish choices are ones I chose to make. They didn't beg me to spend my money, donate a kidney or anything else I consider so virtuous for a friend to do. Nobody sent me and as I have made my bed, I am trying to lie in (or slide out of, more like) it.When will I learn????????????? I have been dumped, insulted, duped and cheated in this area of friendship but yet, I keep drifting from one person to the next hoping this one will be "the one". Sad isn't it?


I tell myself the truth and I know I have no one to blame but myself for my foolish choices so I am working through this book in order to help myself and try to find that balance that I so desperately need. Friendship is great but only friendship with God is worth pursuing and investing heavily in because it brings results without fail. As I write this, I realise that God is asking me the simple question, "Why is it always them before Me?"


I don't know but I am determined to change this story. This is one part of my history which I will rewrite. I will continue to strive to get it right. Friendship in it's true and pure form must exist out there and I will find it.