The biggest issue was what to call her! In Yoruba culture, the wife is "junior" to the eldest sibling in the husband's family regardless of actual age or anything so technically I was meant to add "sister" in front of whatever it was I called her. I was like "oh hell to the no" I was so born before this chick! Anyway it caused major friction between my guy and I because he wanted me to be close to her at all costs and I a) felt it was too soon, b) couldn't resolve the issue of how to address her.
Eventually I cracked when he put me on a major guilt trip about how it was really important that I was close to his family because he wanted his wife to be and his family to be close. I should have known better, meeting the family too early on in a relationship is a no-no (we were barely 5 months in but I guess at my age, that's long enough) because you begin to feel obliged to them when you want to take difficult decisions. Thankfully, my sanity was at stake when we broke up so I absolutely had no qualms calling it quits. Basically my boo is a great guy but as laid back as they come.
If he leaned back any further he'd snap in two.... This was an able bodied 30 yr old man who still lived at home with no clear plan or desire to move out (basically, there was a risk that if I married him, we'd have to live there for a while). Also, his wages were so meagre, he couldn't even afford the airtime credit to call me. I spent a small fortune on phone calls back home and even used to send him money for credit.
Now before you jump to that conclusion about me being short sighted and he could be somebody tomorrow, I have no doubt about that and I am very sure he is destined for greatness and success one day but on top of his current situation, my ex-man is one of the proudest people I have ever known. And not in a good way. Discussions about his career were off limits, he wouldn't take any advice on starting a side hustle or even trying to move out of home.
This was very upsetting to me because what is a relationship without communication? I didn't mind paying for the phone calls, sending him stuff etc. but to have him too busy to speak to me, clubbing every Friday, falling asleep whilst I was trying to have a conversation was just a bit too much. So I ended it. I absolutely have no regrets and in fact since we broke up, his childishness has risen to the fore unchecked.
Take for example a package that he has supposedly sent me. When asked what it was, he replied with " something I sent with a heavy heart" I mean really? I have a feeling he sent back all the gifts I ever bought him! I find out tomorrow so I will provide an update.
Anyway, his mum and sister loved me on meeting me and have stayed in touch since we broke up. I don't know if they're hoping I'll go back but at the time we broke up they claimed to be behind me all the way, having themselves unsuccessfully tried to ask him to sit up. It was a nice day today and his mum even gave me a gift, a necklace I doubt I'll ever wear but it was a sweet thought on her part anyway.....
Been listening to Tevin Campbell and Toni Braxton as I wrote tonight's post. I'm feeling amorous and I don't know why but hey I embrace the feeling. You never know, having an amorous state of mind may produce interesting results as I go about my business this week. I need to lose the feeling before Tuesday though, lol, SD and I are still meeting for drinks.
Have a great week
x
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