Dive straight in....

Ok, so I'm going to skip the welcome post, the post that tells you why I decided to start blogging (again) and all of that jazz because it doesn't really matter... All that counts is that I am here now and I feel like sharing so here it goes....


Just had a phone call and something tells me I shouldn't have answered it. This is the problem with having the same number for over 5 years, they just seem to be able to find you no matter how far you run or where you go. Anyhoo, it was let's call him Swedish Delight for reasons I may or may not share on this site at some point in the future. SD and I met nearly 8 years ago now, through a mutual work colleague. The weird thing about SD was that he was not in any way a handsome man at all but his swexy cut through the air like a knife.


Unfortunately, at the time we met, I was very naive and incredibly stupid where men were concerned so I fell for his charms. Don't worry I really was stupid, I don't just enjoy calling myself names... Anyway I have attempted to cut him off like a cancer in my life because somehow, every time I am near him even after all these years, my mind immediately takes a nose dive and I find myself somehow thinking about "us" in that sense. Never mind that he is now married and has a daughter, the feeling is still the same.


I know what you are thinking and no, I have no plans to break up his happy home, I am a Christian myself and I don't need telling what's what but I am merely expressing the feelings that crop up every time I see this man and perhaps in my mind that still needs a lot work, I am hoping that writing it down and getting a good telling off from blogsphere will help to keep me on the straight and narrow.


Last time I spoke to him, I was in a relationship and that helped to keep the feelings at bay. I guess that is why I was so friendly and receiving back then (a few months ago) but since then I have split up with my ex and I really should be careful about having drinks on Thursday after work which is exactly what I have agreed with him.


Something about SD is intoxicating and our chemistry just cannot be denied. No other man in my entire adult life has had this effect on me. I guess it's because not only is he sexy but he's kind and he actually apologised to me for taking advantage of me when he should have known better. He is at least 10 years older than me. Maybe I am just being stupid all over again, after all he lured me into an intimate relationship with himself and when I think about the circumstances surrounding the whole episode it really was quite off.


Up until the 'get naked' moment, I foolishly believed we were just friends who were hanging out till it dawned on me that I was miles away from home and trapped for the weekend with this man.  I tried to do some last minute damage control by inviting some friends on the trip with us but duh! I had still agreed to share the hotel room with him so even though there were 4 of us on the trip, I had to retreat to the lion's den every evening till we came back.  It never occurred to me that saying 'no' was an option. And sadly, I decided this is my bed that I made, I have to lie in it.


The whole episode left me confused and dazed because this was a man I knew I would never have had the presence of mind to date at the time because this was simply a man too mature for me. Even though I enjoyed his company, I didn't know how I would justify dating a man older than the first born in our house so I just never did it. Even though he tried to stay in touch and invited me to his house, I had never been in a friends-with-benefits relationship and I wasn't about to start then so I stayed away.


It took a few years but eventually I decided to let bygones be bygones and I started to speak with him again, firstly on FB and then on the phone. He gave me the most amazing advice through some difficult relationships and it was when he was doing this that he acknowledged that he'd also played a part in being the bad guy in my life and he apologised profusely for that.


Fast forward to August 2010 and here we are having drinks on Thursday. Before today, I probably last spoke to him last year.  Now we're doing drinks. I'd better make mine a double, orange juice, that is.